stargirl

1 note

your love

your love entered me and sat in my heart

growing and growing, and then with a start

pumped through my body (every vessel

and cell, it didn’t forget a spot)

when then it engulfed me

it swirled and swam throughout my blood,

climbed the rungs of my vertebrae as i knew it would

it came a knock-knock-knocking at my brain and,

i let it in.

(and closed the door behind it)

but time heals everything

and much later (much, much later) my body began to bring

things to kill your love

this was after the kiss, after the touch

after the fights you hated so much,

after christmas at your house with your

whole family watching me as i

unwrapped the box of your love (it was

your gift to me)

slowly but surely, my veins were clean

of your love, from my head to my toes and all in between

but your love in my brain (it had been locked up) it

stayed, i had

closed the door and it couldn’t escape

so it stayed in there and we still loved

my body vacant, but not my mind above

and i told myself things would get better (they wouldn’t)

i told myself i would be happy, i would be good (i wouldn’t)

your love made me think things were fine,

hiding in the dark spaces of my mind

(i forgot i had let it in)

then i realized.

(things were not the way i pretended they were)

that my days had been a dream;

but i held fast to them, for if they died,

so would we.

i lay paralyzed by your love in slumber

dreaming of days filled with happy wonder

so then i think (to myself) will i ever wake up?

and your love, it whispers in my mind, “no”

2 notes

A War Poem.

May 8

1945

Today,

I can hear,

deafening silence in the bland blue skies, like

I’ve imagined for four years, only available

in my hazy dreams at night

when I lay my bloodied head

upon my stained pillow

Today,

I can see,

smiles on their faces, like

a spreading disease, one to another, a plague

of joy, of hope, of exhaustion

screaming smiles of missing teeth,

sored lips, and empty mouths

that lead all the way down their empty throats

to their empty stomachs

Today,

I can smell,

cleansing clearness in the air, like

a thing I’ve forgotten about

but now I know I’ve missed it,

missed smelling something other than

the thick smoke of burnt ashes

clogging the entrance of my lungs,

filling them up with the scent of

burning flesh, inching its way up

the walls of my insides

until I’m choked with tears

Today,

I feel

liberated, like

they do, free from this fucked up place

full of fucked up people, with

fucked up lies and fucked up everything

and now we have a fucked up story to tell

that no one will believe

0 notes

I’m done

Not a warning, a sign, a premonition

Not unsure or sick with worry

Not returning in a little while

like a wave receding then lapping at the shore

But really and truly and honestly finished with you

Done with the pain that pierces my heart

that rattles my ribs, shaking them like bars

as they hold back something going mad

Done with your tongue that dances

behind your teeth, with my tongue, with your words

twisting and turning letters to create lies

Done with wishing i had the love that you’ll never give me

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the prompt for this poem was, “where are you happy?”

My favorite place to be is where I can be myself

where I can come after a long day

where I go to think and talk and listen

where I cry

This place is easy to get to

it’s never too far away from me

no one else ever goes there

My favorite place is warm

and comforting

and quiet

and small

I can see you from there

I can see your worry

your love

your face

I hear your thoughts

your whispers

This place is special, it’s mine

My favorite place to be is in your arms.

2 notes

a nature poem

It starts.

A beginning that has already begun

A liquid ball of fire climbs the mountain

Heat glazes the air, thick and sweltering

Moisture is hung in the atmosphere, fuzzy to the eyes

and burning to the skin, stopping for no one

Then the drops

A gray sky, like a shield, but also

a warning

Tiny bubbles falling, caught by everything below

All at once

Army

beating down, these harmless bullets

But then a quiet finale, a drizzle to help you sleep

They leave their mark on every surface, now wet

coated with the ones left behind

Change

new colors, green fading away, day

by day

Variety in the once monotone coverage

The mountain now speckled and spotted and blotched

and then dead

gone, until next time

Preparation for the following, and a rustling wind

Crunching leaves and then the trees are revealed,

naked and rigid

Void and blank

the mountain clothed in white

Nothing but numbing blankness

Life is waiting, sleeping

while Nature continues on, unaffected

they will meet again, as they always do

Yet here is beauty in everything

There is brilliance in each snowflake

Astonishment in the cracking of ice

Amazement in the freezing cold

Calmness on the mountain

Slowing in the wind

but always there is anticipation

Realization

Renewal

First, a quiet mumbling, an awakening,

a faint rustling, eyes opening

Then it picks up, the quickening pace

Blossom, ripen, stretch, emerge

Brighten

Warm and welcoming

Little showers of droplets to feed this growth

A fresh mountain, sun resting in the sky

And back to where it was

Where it has been, where it will be

And again

It starts.

1 note

3rd poem, i think im gonna keep posting them as i write them

My real name is not hers

I no longer want to be called yours.

I am not your dog,

I won’t wait for your return.

I do not have our memories in my heart anymore

I have thrown them away.

I do not have stupid written on my forehead

I saw it there in the mirror and erased it.

I hate the sound of her name

as spoken from the lips that called mine.

I love the sound of breaking our pictures

since you love the sound of breaking my heart.

I hate the smell of you, lingering on my sheets

so I washed them eight times.

I love the smell of wine and whisky

which I’ve never tasted til now.

I do not care for the nights alone

that I used to spend with you.

I wish my hands could forget the way you feel

they still remember.

I still see in my mind, my nervous lips fluttering

they did that in the beginning.

But then I recall you saying you were done

and I only wish I would have been the one to leave

then you could have the misery.

1 note

another poem i wrote

I am flying and falling

I wonder how long until I touch the ground

I hear the people judging my every move

I see the hunger in their waiting eyes

I want to get away, to stop my decline

I am flying and falling.

I pretend I am in the world alone

I feel the surge under my wings, picking me up

I touch the clouds, lost in their haze

I worry about not being able to return here

I cry raindrops; they land on my observers below

I am flying and falling.

I understand my time here is limited

I say I must keep trying or they’ll get me

I dream to never come down

I try to fight the drowning currents

I hope to soar upwards again, as

I am flying and falling.

2 notes

a poem i wrote today in creative writing.

I am a book.

You find me closed, simple

and unoriginal

Just like all the Others

I have no title, no indication, no

caution

to what is inside